My Mum is dying and I feel I am a million miles away. When my best friend died, I was far away and although we spoke, I thought he simply had a bad 'flu. I was not allowed to say goodbye to my Father before he died. Not allowed to see him...
My stepfather died on the same day as my daughter's graduation from school. I was in no shape physically to travel for hours on a plane but had it not been a vital landmark in her life, I might have tried.
I have Stage 3 cancer myself now but what weighs me down like a mountain of stone is the shadow of my mother and her situation. Essentially, it is the lack of knowledge, lack of access, and let's be honest here, the fact that she always has marginalised me completely and continues to do so, even at this twilight hour. I really do believe my cancer accelerated because of my anxiety about her.
What is the 'good' outcome here for me? I see none really. Even if I manage to outrun the cancer, I will be forced to deal with a terrible mess when my Mum dies. It will be brutal, for a number of reasons. Why would she deal fairly with me and my daughter in death when she never did so in life?
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